Dealing with Online Harassment 

What is online abuse?

Online abuse is an umbrella term that encompasses many types of  behaviors and interactions that are intended to provoke fear, threaten, intimidate, or otherwise harm their targeted person or group. There’s a wide variety of online abuse and harassment, and has impacts outside of the online world from emotional and personal impacts to employment. Regardless, harassment is wrong and depending on how the harassers got information, could be illegal. It is never the victim’s fault.

This may look like sending hateful messages, hacking others’ accounts, stalking, sending threats, non-consensual sharing of intimate or private images, initiating and/or participating in campaigns to spread damaging and/or false information. Here’s a guide if you want more information. 

Who is more likely to be on the receiving end of online harassment? Data tells us that often age and gender are closely associated with those who experience harassment, but there are other factors such as sexuality and race. 

Some statistics about age and gender (source):

1. 18 to 29 year olds are most likely to experience harassment
2. Young women (ages 18-24) experience harassment are disproportionately high levels:

• 25% were the target of online sexual harassment
• 26% of these young women have been stalked online
• Overall, men are somewhat more likely than women to experience at least one of the elements of online harassment, 44% vs. 37%, and more likely than women to encounter embarrassment, physical threats, and name calling

Because there are different ways people are harassed or abused online, here’s a helpful list of terms to use. This is also helpful for when you encounter abuse as a bystander or victim, to better describe what is happening. 

Now, the rest of this page is split up into four parts: what to do if you see someone being harassed, what to do when you face harassment, how to keep yourself safe on the internet and online in general, and what you can do as a Reedie.

What to do if you see someone getting harassed:

1. Prioritize your safety

• This can take many forms, but make sure your own cybersecurity is protected. If you’re concerned about the risks of intervention, here’s a guide for assessing threats. Trusting your instincts is typically a safe choice. There are many ways to be a good ally without direct intervention. 
• Make sure you practice self care, and know that your emotional safety is important. It can be difficult to witness harassment and abuse, and there are a lot of factors that determine how and if someone feels that they can intervene. 
• “Make an honest evaluation of your own relationship to injustice. Keep in mind that the people being targeted might have a history of being exposed to injustices that you haven’t personally encountered. Making an honest evaluation of your own relationship to injustice, or lack thereof, is an important part of being a supporter—not a savior.” (Online Harassment Field Manual for Allies)

2. Remember the list of terms? Here’s where that may be helpful! 

• First, assess for and establish safety–for you, and for one being harmed. 
• Second, know what type of abuse is happening. Identify the abuse that is taking place. Define and be familiar with different tactics the harassers may be using. 
• Once you know the tactics and type of abuse that is happening, you can make a plan about how you want to intervene. 
• Now, there are many ways you may choose to intervene! There are five strategies listed below. It’s okay to choose one, and then do another, etc. The most important thing is that you do something.

3. Bystander intervention, The Five D’s: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct. (SHARE has a whole other blog post just about bystander intervention too!) You don’t have to interact directly; there are four other ways to intervene:

1. “Direct: If you feel prepared to intervene directly, here are some options you might want to consider:

• Chime in with supportive, affirming, or constructive comments, messages, or hashtags in response to the content of the person targeted by abuse.
• Practice counter speech by publishing a statement of solidarity that backs the target and condemns online abuse, on the platform where it appears. Name the harassment, state why it’s wrong, and offer a rallying cry enlisting others to reject it. If you’re part of a group or organization affiliated with the target of the abuse—or with a group or organization that condemns hate generally—put out an official statement that explicitly states why you condemn this particular form of online harassment.
• Expose impersonation and ask for help reporting it to the platforms.
• Use your privilege or power to fact check a false claim.
• Use humor.
• You can condemn hate and harassment without interacting with the abuser. Condemn the behavior,not the individual, and set an example for others that such behavior can’t and shouldn’t be tolerated.
• Do not engage in abuse yourself, not only because bystander intervention is about breaking the cycle of vitriol and violence, but because the abuser may be deliberately trying to goad you as a tactic to do you harm.
• Rally others to intervene with you and organize peer support networks. There’s strength in numbers.

II. Distract: You can push back by:

• Amplifying the original content posted by the person under attack (liking, upvoting, retweeting, etc.).
• Drawing attention away from the abuse and the abuser by (for example) responding with a flood of memes.
• Reporting the abusive content and the abuser’s account to the platform on which it appears. While platforms do not always take action, it’s always worth a shot. Follow these guidelines for reporting online abuse.

III. Delegate: This supportive community can help you:

• Amplify the content of the person being abused.
• Draw attention away from an abuser via funny or unrelated content.
• Report the abuse to the platform where it happened – and even tag the platform to draw extra attention.

IV. Document: Keep in mind, looking at screenshots of abuse can be retraumatizing for those on the receiving end, so when you share the information you’ve collected, be sure to offer a clear trigger warning. You can try something like: “Hey, documenting abuse is really important, but I realize it can also be traumatic, so I’ve taken screenshots and saved hyperlinks for you in this folder. You can just store it somewhere safe in case you need it later.”

V. Delay: You can:

• Offer a listening ear and provide emotional support. Always listen to the target without judgment. Be sure to exercise patience and empathy, and defer to their wishes.
• Affirm that what’s happening to them is not OK and not their fault. Remind them they’re not alone.
• Share resources—including this Field Manual.
• Offer specific support (“Can I help you report or document the abuse, or tighten your digital security?”).
• If you have a close relationship with the target and know that they’re afraid for their safety or the safety of their loved ones, consider offering them a safe place to stay, such as your home or the home of a mutual friend.” (citation for all of the above from Field Guide for Allies)
• If possible, it’s best to check in with the person being harassed. It helps to validate their experience (“it’s not your fault”) and reflect what you’re hearing (“it sounds like…I’m hearing you’re…”). You can steer them towards some resources (like this page!) if they want to just talk about it with an advocate or therapist, or if they want to report to law enforcement or the social media site. There are many options for them, and it is their choice what they choose to do. It’s important you are there to support them and help make sure they are safe. 

What to do when you face harassment:

There’s a wide range of ways you might be harassed online. This section is if the harassment you face is stalking, bullying, sharing intimate or private images without permission, or spreading misinformation about you. This is still pretty broad, so there’s a section for each of these along with general information about taking care of yourself after facing harassment. 

Stalking/Doxxing

1. Make sure you are physically safe

• Some online harassers can stalk or track location, so make sure you’re in a safe place and turn off location tracking. Call 911 if it’s an emergency and if you are comfortable working with the law enforcement.

2. Document

• You may want to consider documenting the abuse. This can help you seek legal action in the future and will be digital evidence. It can also help you figure out where the information is coming from and where else it might be going.

3. Consider keeping open existing accounts while also setting up new ones. You can use them as “trap” accounts. If the harasser thinks they’re reaching you, they’ll be less likely to dig deeper to try to find your new ones.

• Open new accounts with a different name or number; avoid posting personal photos (facial recognition software is getting more accurate); and share the new contact info only with people you know personally and trust 100%. 
• You may also want to review what information is available online about you, including images or clues that a harasser could use. (For example: pictures that have distinct landmarks, being mentioned or tagged in someone else’s photos, mentioning your place of work, etc.)

Bullying/Spreading Misinformation

1. Make sure you are physically and emotionally safe (it’s worth repeating)

• Whether this means taking a break and going for a walk, telling a friend/ally (make sure you don’t feel alone and others know what you’re going through and they can also help document/monitor/or report), deciding if you want a break from being online.
• If you ask for help from friends, family, SHARE, and others your trust. You are not the first person this has happened to, and there are options for what to do next. set up what is helpful versus harmful.
• It’s best to not “take on” harassers, though the intent is good, the impact is less so. Engaging with harassment can prolong the harassment. 
• You can ask them to monitor your feeds and delete and report comments or just to screenshot and document.
• There’s also the Five D’s for them to intervene. You can point out which ones feel most helpful to you. 
• You may want to let landlords, employers, or your school know you are being harassed and to save/screenshot any messages they receive about you.

2. As mentioned before, documenting is a good idea for potential future evidence or reporting, along with possibly finding out where the information is coming from and where else it may be going.

3. You can also report the harasser to the social media platforms and ask friends/family/followers to do the same.

Sharing Intimate or Private Images

1. Make sure you are safe, physically and emotionally

• We mentioned this already, but it’s worth repeating to make sure you are taking care of yourself during this potentially scary time. 

2. Documenting the Abuse

• This is especially helpful if you plan on filing a report later. We have more details under the “stalking” section

3. If there are images of you shared without your permission, you can remove them

• Visit the CCRI Safety Center or call the CCRI Image Abuse Helpline at 1-844-878-2274, which is available free of charge, 24/7

4. Consider keeping open existing accounts while also setting up new ones. You can use them as “trap” accounts. If the harasser thinks they’re reaching you, they’ll be less likely to dig deeper to try to find your new ones.

• Open new accounts with a different name or number; avoid posting personal photos (facial recognition software is getting more accurate); and share the new contact info only with people you know personally and trust 100%.

There are different options going forward, whether to report to law enforcement or the social media platform, conduct an assessment about who’s making the comments or threats, or just securing your profiles. 

We know that reaching out to law enforcement is not a viable option for everyone. “The benefit of reporting a threat to law enforcement is that it starts a trail of evidence for your case, in case further threats are made and you decide to take further action in the future.” (OnlineSOS) You can report with a trusted friend or family member if you do not want to go alone. If you do not immediately report, you can always hold onto the evidence and documentation if you decide to report in the future. 

1. You may consider reporting to the college if the harasser is a Reed community member, or to law enforcement if you are being threatened (laws vary by jurisdiction). The college will help you make a report if you want to.
2. You can contact an advocate, attorney, image monitoring service, and therapists.  You can seek support and help wherever it feels best for you.
3. More options

• Review any information or photos stored on dormant or alias accounts
• Takedown your contact information online from social media platforms (your posts,your friends or colleagues posts, etc) which you can do through data broker websites like Spokeo or InstantPeopleFinder

These methods to respond are not exclusive to one type of harassment and can be used however you feel safest and is what you want to do. 

1. You can also contact a national helpline to be connected with local resources
2. Here’s some Plans of Action for different types of online harassment
3. Other ways to respond
4. Cyber Civil Rights has a step-by-step guide to help you respond

How to keep yourself safe online:

There are also basic steps you can do to keep yourself safe from harassment and to be more safe on the internet in general

1. Set up a plan for if you face harassment, if you want friends to monitor social media for you, what ways you want to take care of yourself, and know where to find resources to help. 
2. Know what you want to share

• You might want to think about turning off location tracking, be careful about who is direct messaging (DMing) you and what information you share online.
• What information is available online? What photos? Consider information that could be shared and if it makes it easier for an attacker to find you. Have you shared your name and birthday? What about your city? Does this make your accounts easy to compromise?
• What photos have you shared and how would you feel if they were used against you? Does this picture contain any distinctive landmarks that someone can use to find your location?

1. “Minimizing the amount of information that is freely available about you, especially on your basic and public social media profiles, is going to make you more secure, though it’s also a sacrifice in that it limits what you can share with your community. There’s no right or wrong answer about how much to share, but do make the risk/reward assessment deliberately” (Digital Safety Guide–Games Hotline)

• If you’re worried that information about you is already public, you can monitor for mentions of your information and use information removal companies. 

3. Set up accounts with two factor authentication, make passwords hard to guess and save them in a password manager rather than in a document or spreadsheet. Keep your devices updated and backed up.
4. Here’s a list of resources (some of these are consolidated from above)

• Defining Online Harassment
•  General safety guides, preparation manual
• Understanding Online Harassment 
• Online Harassment Field Manual and Responding to Online Abuse (including  Plans of Action)
• National Hotlines and Toolkit for Survivors
• CCRI Safety Center 
• Digital Safety Guide
• Reed Technology Survival Guide, Computer User Service’s Safe Computing Guide, and Cybersecurity Guide

What you can do at Reed

1. SHARE has a survivor Survivor support page
2. If you believe you’ve experienced bias you are strongly encouraged to file a bias incident report or contact the Office for Institutional Diversity.

• Discriminatory Harassment and Misconduct Policy and Title IX Policy. Use this form to report a bias incident or discriminatory harassment.
• Honor Principle

3. Reed Technology Survival Guide
4. Computer User Service’s Safe Computing Guide and Cybersecurity Guide

Safer Sex

Why do we say “safer” sex?

No matter what type of sex you are having, with who, and with what means of protection, there will always be a degree of risk. We can’t protect ourselves against everything, but we can always be more prepared and take steps to protect ourselves and others. This includes having conversations before having sex about what everyone wants and expects, talking about limits and boundaries, disclosing STD/STI status, and having sexual health supplies like condoms and lube. You can get many of these sexual health supplies from SHARE’s Package form. We also have zines and handouts about emotionally safer sex. This page will provide brief information about that last one – safer sexual health supplies – in this blog post. Read more to learn about the types of protection SHARE offers, information all about lube, and STD/STI’s.

Types of Protection

Why use protection? How does it make sex more pleasurable?

Sex can create a lot of emotions because of the chemicals at play in the brain and body, the vulnerability, societal standards, and many other reasons. Specifically there can be a fear of STD/STIs or pregnancy that could prevent someone from having a pleasurable time. Using protection can ease someone’s worry and concerns, making sex more enjoyable because they feel safer. 

According to Planned Parenthood, there are 18 types of birth control (which means to prevent pregnancy, and not all of them can be used to prevent STD/STIs). Yes, eighteen! Ranging from the pull out method to sterilization (a vasectomy or getting tubes tied). Some are hormonal and some are a physical barrier. There’s a lot of variety and options for what works best for you. 

Here’s Planned Parenthood’s list with pros and cons, and effectiveness. Bedsider also has a comparison tool to help choose between different options. 

If you want something easy and free, SHARE supplies external condoms, internal condoms, and oral dams through our order form and when we table! Here’s a little bit more about them:

Condoms and Dental Dams

A condom is a physical barrier to prevent pregnancy and to prevent STD/STIs. There are two types: external and internal. An external condom fits snugly around the penis so the semen is inside the condom rather than the vagina. Internal condoms, also called female condoms, are placed inside the vagina rather than over the penis.  The FDA approved female condom, called FC2, has a FAQ page for any of your questions. 

Condoms can be made of latex, nitrile, polyurethane, polyisoprene, and lambskin (which do not prevent STD/STIs). SHARE supplies latex and latex-free (polyurethane) condoms. When using condoms, remember that they can only be used once, you have to use condoms every time you have sex for them to be effective, and condoms can expire (so check expiration dates). People with sensitivities may also find them irritating. Condoms also come in different sizes, with different types of lube. They also have flavors, colors, and glow in the dark types, too. They are easy to find, and with SHARE’s order form, have no cost! 

SHARE also provides dental dams through the order form. Here’s some information about them:

Dental dams are a physical latex or polyurethane barrier for oral sex because you can transmit or receive STD/STI’s from oral sex. They are placed between the mouth and the partner’s genitals or anus. They can also be helpful for if you’re squeamish about oral sex. They stop fluid exchanges, but are not effective for pubic lice, HPV, and herpes. 

Like condoms, they can only be used once, have different sizes, colors, and can be flavored or unflavored. You can also make a DIY dental dam out of external condoms if you don’t have any on hand. 

Here and here provide more information about dental dams. 

Here are some other options that SHARE doesn’t supply, but you might want to consider:

1. Spermicide: a chemical that is placed inside the vagina to slow sperm and to physically block the cervix to stop sperm from entering. It comes in many forms; gel, cream, film, foam, soft inserts that dissolve into cream inside the vagina. Spermicide can be purchased over the counter (OTC) or a prescription. It can be used alone, or with diaphragms and cervical caps (both require spermicide to work). 
2. A diaphragm is a shallow cup inserted over the cervix to physically block sperm from entering; it’s best used with spermicide applied before placing it inside the vagina. A cervical cap works in a very similar way but has a different shape (like a sailor hat). They both have to be used every time you have sex to be effective. 
3. You may have also heard of the sponge, which is placed over the cervix and contains spermicide. It can also be used with condoms to protect against STD/STIs. 
4. The image on the left shows how to put in a cervical cap from Bedsider’s cervical cap page. The image on the right shows the placement of the sponge provided by Planned Parenthood’s “Hot to Use the Birth Control Sponge.” 

The HCC can also provide prescriptions for hormonal and long term birth control options along with referrals and genital exams. 

The next post will be all about lube, toys, and have more resources!