Attention seniors! Watch out for ‘Comma Queens’ (& kings)

The New Yorker celebrated its 90th birthday last month with a bunch of articles about the magazine. My favorite by far was “Holy Writ” by Mary Norris. She launches herself into the page with this teasing phrase, “I didn’t set out to be a comma queen.

But a ‘comma queen’ she has become, and commas are what she writes about: who invented them (and when and where), where they go (in New Yorker articles, and possibly, in your thesis), the different functions of commas (do you know what a ‘serial comma’ is? see below), and the unending set of puzzles they create for authors and editors.

Editing is where I and my Reed faculty colleagues come in to the picture. Like it or not, we will transform ourselves into Comma Royalty for the next six weeks. If you bring us a thesis draft with a misplaced comma, you’ll be sure to hear about it.

And now, you might ask, what is a serial comma?

Here’s what Mary Norris, Comma Queen, wrote about serial commas:

The serial comma is the one before “and” in a series of three orĀ  more things. With the serial comma: My favorite cereals are Cheerios, Raisin Bran, and Shredded Wheat. Without the serial comma: I used to like Kix, Trix and Wheat Chex. Proponents of the serial comma say that it is preferable because it prevents ambiguity, and I’ll go along with that. Also, I’m lazy, and I find it easier to use the serial comma consistently rather than stop every time I come to a series and register whether or not the comma before the “and” preceding the last item is actually preventing ambiguity. But pressed to come up with an example of a series that was unambiguously ambiguous with the serial comma I couldn’t think of a good one. An ambiguous series proved so elusive that I wondered whether perhaps we could do without the serial comma after all. In my office, this is heresy, but I will say it anyway and risk being shunned in the elevator: Isn’t the “and” sufficient? After all, that’s what the other commas in a series stand for: “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” A comma preceding “and” is redundant. I was at risk of becoming a comma apostate.

Fortunately, the Internet is busy with examples of series that are absurd without the serial comma:

“We invited the strippers, J.F.K. and Stalin.” (This has been illustrated online, and formed the basis of a poll: which stripper had the better outfit, J.F.K. or Stalin.)

“This book is dedicated to my parents, Ayn Rand and God.”

And there was the country-and-Western singer who was joined onstage by his two ex-wives, Kris Kristofferson and Waylon Jennings.”

And so, dear seniors, rest assured that, in the days ahead, my colleagues and I will not hesitate to inflict our singular, confusing, and ambiguous versions of Comma Rule on your thesis drafts. If I had to tell the whole truth and nothing but, I would be the first to admit that I don’t really know where the commas go, but if you want my signature on your thesis, let’s pretend that I do.

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