A long, long time ago, there was Boarus: the first boar’s head. Alas he was stolen and brutishly attacked by three dogs (who gnawed off one of his ears). After his career ending injury sometime ago, he retired and Boarus Jr. took up the mantle of Boar’s Head until his retirement last year. Not to leave an opening in the procession, we now have a third contender for the Boar’s Head.
This young, up-and-coming prospect hails from an unknown curio shop, picked up by an alum and graciously donated to Alumni Relations. This new boar’s head was drafted first overall by the Reed Alumni Relations, after impressing scouts with its ability to win staring contests and being overall unwieldy and heavy. But, what the boar makes up for in unwieldiness and overall prowess as a boar’s head, it lacks in a name, and this is where you come in, dear alum.
We, Alumni Relations, must identify this nameless boar’s head, and we need your input. We need a name, any name will do, Wilbur, Franklin, Boarus Jr the III, or even Chris P. Bacon. It does not matter, we just need something shorter than the boar. Our draft pick requires a name by December 12 in order for him to participate in the holiday festivities in time. Got an idea? Submit a suggestion now!
Scouting New Prospects,
William Clarke ’27