Sleepwalking? Wake up!

I came across the phrase “sleepwalking through life” in a recent magazine article by Ezra Bayda (Tricycle, Fall 2014). It spoke to me right away. First, the image it conjured up (no doubt enhanced by a zombie fad that just won’t go away) of vast populations shuffling along, lost in thought, moving in a dream world, never seeing their thoughts for what they were, week after week and year after year, was extraordinarily powerful. And then I mulled it over. I realized that “sleepwalking” has even deeper roots. “Buddha” means something like Awakened, and not Enlightened. So, if you aren’t Buddha, you’re sleepwalking, right?

An intriguing line of reasoning, but one that can quickly set my mind spinning up more daydreams. “Waking up sounds good. I should get started right away.” If I catch myself sleepwalking, I might feel like a failure. More thoughts, “I should deepen my resolve, make a note in my diary to try harder, try to be more like someone who I think is more awake.” And on and on.

Being ‘awake’ 24/7 is a nice aspiration, but not available to me. I have to live with some moments of being awake interspersed with spans of sleepwalking. Which makes me wonder, “Is sleepwalking so bad, really?”

Because I’m not often ‘awake,’ I’m reluctant to give an answer, but what I can see right now is this: sleepwalking isn’t so bad, but it isn’t very rewarding either. The daydreams I weave through my daily life often seem like powerful tools for living (“I’m fat. I should get more exercise. I’m lonely. My children should call me on the phone.”) But, as Bayda explains, many daydreams are just well-concealed prisons. Each thought constructs a rigid formulation of who I am, who you are, how we should relate to each other, and what possibilities can be found in this life. Sitting still with awareness, even for only a few minutes, let’s me break free. Daydreams are seen for what they are: ephemeral prison bars. Waking up just a little to what my life is truly like – a vast unknown – frees me to live with enormous possibility.

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